She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Randomize
