Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
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