I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
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