Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
