Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
