I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
