he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Randomize
