Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
