I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
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