youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Randomize
