i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
