Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
We got so high we made milksteak
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
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