dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
