are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
