You're earring is so big in my mouth
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
