I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
