Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Randomize
