All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
Michael Bay diarrhea
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
