my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
Randomize
