so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
