i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
