a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
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