idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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