he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Randomize
