Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Randomize
