Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Randomize
