Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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