Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
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