i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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