News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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