Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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