I'm really into asian looking animals
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
