i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
