I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
