i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
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