Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
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