At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
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