if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Randomize
