I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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