I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
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