Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
