I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
Randomize
