Where did you get a picture of my penis
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
Randomize
