until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
