I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Randomize
