I'm lost and stupid without you.
i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
