peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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