Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Randomize
