A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
I wish i was in the wii world.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
