What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
Randomize
