he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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