Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
Randomize
