forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
Randomize
