Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Randomize
