new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
