How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
